Why I Don’t Want to Know your Secret Wish

by Aileen

hands holding a candle

There are very different schools of thought when it comes to committing to one’s wishes, dreams or goals.

We often hear it’s best to state them out loud and tell others about them in order to stay committed to making them happen.

I’ve heard this philosophy countless times over the years. I’ve often not been a fan of proclaiming my goals, mostly because I was afraid what would happen if I failed and looked like a complete fool.

In my post about The Best Year Yet, I admitted to having a love hate relationship with goals. We can get incredibly tangled in the emotions of having set them and feeling as though we must see them through even if we’ve truly changed direction in our hearts.

For sure, goals and dreams can be incredibly complicated. And as we pursue our journey towards making them happen, often times it becomes even more complex than we had imagined. We may find that it takes over so much of our lives that we become wildly out of balance. At that moment, we may have to make a decision, to either continue on, or retreat.

Our deepest dreams and goals are quite precious, and for the most part they are actually rather fragile, especially before they begin to really take root and grow.

Something so delicate as a goal in our heart, should be cared for with great conscientiousness. Not to be carelessly tossed out in the world in hopes that it takes flight.

There’s a book I love and I read portions of it almost daily, even though I’ve read it many times. The Perfect Power Within You
by Jack and  Cornelia Addington.

Here’s the section that now lives on my wall serving as a constant reminder:

“Keep It To Yourself and Do It.” “Have you ever had a wonderful idea that seemed to lift you and take you soaring to a new height? You could see wonderful possibilities and a whole new future contained in this idea. And then you enthusiastically told it to your best friend. His face remained immobile. Somehow or other, he had caught none of your enthusiasm…and by this time you had your doubts too …  The power of a steam engine is caused by controlled pressure. The power in your idea is controlled by keeping the idea to yourself until it has built up enough momentum to carry itself into manifestation. Don’t let the steam off. The longer you can keep it to yourself, the stronger it gets. Do not expose your immature ideas to be smothered…”

I don’t want to know your secret wish while it’s growing in the warmth and love of your heart and mind. I do not want to release its magic before it’s born. Let your secret dream grow strong and manifest, then let me cheer for your success!

Have you ever let out a wish or dream only to have it wither away? Have you held them in silence and seen them into manifestation?

How do you honor your wishes and dreams?

Related Posts with Thumbnails

{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

Linda March 21, 2011

This is so true for me. When I have a ‘light bulb moment’, it’s so fragile and so easliy broken if I tell someone about it. I try to keep it to myself until I’m sure, and then it’s fine to talk about it. There’s nothing worse than someone pricking your balloon.
Linda´s last [type] ..How To Kick Start Your Confidence While You Sit On The Fence

Reply

Aileen March 22, 2011

I wildly agree. – just taking an extra moment to be sure the wish is being received by a nurturing soul and not having it accidentally deflated.

Reply

David | Listen Feel Breathe March 22, 2011

Hi Aileen and Linda,

I like this post, I’m happy to know that someone else out there feels the same way I do.
I realise that proclaiming your goals for all to see, or even just to close friends, can work wonders for motivation and commitment. But how many people who have dreamed a dream, have shared their ideas only to have those who are important to them reply with disinterest?
I have on a few occasions, and it feels like a stab in the guts. It quickly dissipates my enthusiasm and leaves me doubting whether or not I am capable of achieving great things.
Instead a better way for me is to run with the concept solely for a while, iron out the bumps in my thought processes, and then show people what I have achieved.
Thanks for sharing this
David | Listen Feel Breathe´s last [type] ..Are you managing your life or are you leading your life

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

David, I like how you honor your dreams. “run with the con­cept solely for a while, iron out the bumps in my thought processes, and then show peo­ple what I have achieved.” Thank you for sharing your insights and experience. :)

Reply

Adrienne | Experience Life Fully March 21, 2011

Hi Aileen,

Interesting perspective! I can see how this could definitely be true for some people. Personally, I love to share my “big visions” with others. I get super energized by big ideas, but I’m not always the best at following through with them. There more people I can tell and get involved, the more likely that big idea is to come to fruition. :)
Adrienne | Experience Life Fully´s last [type] ..Your Circle of Influence

Reply

Aileen March 22, 2011

Hi Adrienne. I do wonder if we’re all a bit different in how we go about honoring our wishes, goals and dreams. Perhaps its best for some to talk about them and share them and for others maybe it’s best to hold them. It may be a matter of how we work as individuals.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.

Reply

Angela Artemis/Powered by Intuition March 21, 2011

Hi Aileen,
Your post couldn’t be more timely! I announced that I hadn’t completed my goal to write a book on my post about the Blogging Black Out a while back, and that I was cutting back my blogging time so that I could write. I hope it doesn’t backfire on me!

I’m not a fan of announcing goals to friends that I know aren’t into what I’m into. I do think they can zap your enthusiasm if they don’t ‘get it.’ I prefer to let things percolate until I have a pretty good handle on what I’m doing and have begun to do it before I open my mouth.

Thank you for sharing that marvelous TED talk.
Angela Artemis/Powered by Intuition´s last [type] ..How to Deal With Your “Get A REAL Job” Devil!

Reply

Aileen March 22, 2011

Hi Angela. I wonder if it is an individual thing – as far as what works best for people.
I can say that I’m 100% sure your stating your goal to write won’t back fire on you. It’s destined to come to fruition.

Reply

J.D. Meier March 21, 2011

> The power of a steam engine is caused by con­trolled pres­sure.
What a perfect metaphor.
J.D. Meier´s last [type] ..Six Key Components of a Well-Run Business

Reply

Aileen March 22, 2011

Hi J.D.

I like the metaphor. It resonates pretty clear in my mind.

Thank you for stopping by :)

Reply

Evelyn Lim March 22, 2011

Hi Aileen, I don’t used to be a fan of announcing my goals, vision or plans. Like you, I don’t like to have to deal with naysayers and doubters. And then I started to learn about the benefits of sharing one’s vision.

I learned that it is important to share them with like-minded folks. Opportunities, resources and ideas congruent to my vision may be channeled through these people. While they may not directly assist in my effort, their energetic support can also help.

So now, I choose not to tell everyone my goals or secret wishes. Only those who are in the area of personal development or whom I know are going to be positive, supportive and encouraging, will I share. I don’t want to have my ideas killed on the drawing board prematurely by people who don’t know any better.

Reply

Aileen March 22, 2011

Hi Evelyn.
I appreciate your insight. There can be a big difference in sharing with the “right” people Vs. the “wrong” people. I do wonder about “The power of a steam engine is caused by con­trolled pres­sure” and wonder if sharing with the right people still “controls” the pressure or if it releases it too much.
I can see how sharing with the right people can keep us more focused, encouraged and boldly taking steps.

Reply

Leah McClellan March 22, 2011

Hi Aileen–Agree! I don’t like to share my goals with others. Whenever I read the advice that it holds us accountable, I just think how it doesn’t apply to me. Then again, if I say I’m going to do something and then change my mind or modify it, I don’t really worry if anyone knows it–I mean, things change. Or if it wasn’t the right goal for me, then I don’t do it, regardless of whether anyone knows about it or not. That would be a shame if I felt I had to do something–even if I realized it wasn’t the best course of action–just because I feared public humiliation. So if I talk about something I’m going to do, it’s not usually anything very important, nothing very big. That stuff stays private as I work with it.

I like how you say a goal needs to be taken care of and not thrown out carelessly–definitely agree.

It could be that this works for some people, though. If it didn’t, I suppose people wouldn’t offer the advice.
Leah McClellan´s last [type] ..To Japan- with love and chopsticks

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

So true Leah, if didn’t work then they wouldn’t advise it. Interesting how human beings can be so similar and so different.

Reply

Jane Rochelle March 22, 2011

So … this is my favorite part ~ “The power in your idea is con­trolled by keep­ing the idea to your­self until it has built up enough momen­tum to carry itself into man­i­fes­ta­tion.” I’m not really sure, honestly, how many of my dreams have died. I have lots of them, and I don’t really ever forget them. I hold them somewhere deep inside, and sometimes they rise back to the surface, knowing that their time has come. I think I just hold them safe, and sometimes, they intermingle in there, making plans of their own, and then come knocking on my door and say “Hey Jane, guess what we just came up with …. ” Sometimes it just feels that natural ~ that something I’ve loved for a long time found its perfect spot. I love wishes and dreams, Aileen ~ they keep me going. When life is hard, and I don’t think I can tolerate something I must face, I always have my dreams, and they seem to know just when to throw a warm blanket around me and make me feel better. Thanks for the space to reflect today.
Take good care dear ~
Jane Rochelle´s last [type] ..For the Love of Summer- A Young Mother Needs Your Help

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

Jane, your words are brilliant, ” I don’t really ever for­get them. I hold them some­where deep inside, and some­times they rise back to the sur­face, know­ing that their time has come” – allowing the dreams to shift, grow, change and resurface in the form that is best and the timing that is best. Treating dreams as living breathing things. I love that.

Reply

Charlotte March 22, 2011

I’m a writer, and when people find out I write novels, they often ask me to tell them about the one I’m working on. But I can’t. Because I find if I start to talk too much about it, it takes all the wind from it. And then I’ve talked it out instead of written it out and the magic is gone. So I heartily, heartily agree with you. Great post.

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

Charlotte, thank you for visiting and thank you for your comment. That’s really interesting that you find – talking about your story, takes the wind out of it. I can actually visualize that. Thank you for sharing your experience :)

Reply

Cristina | Positively Beauty March 23, 2011

“We can get incred­i­bly tan­gled in the emo­tions of hav­ing set them and feel­ing as though we must see them through even if we’ve truly changed direc­tion in our hearts.”
This really resonates with me – I spent a couple of year working on something that wasn’t giving me joy any more, just because I’d spread my goals to the world…lesson learned: a) Check often if what you’re doing is still what you want b) only talk about your goal?dream to a few sympathetic souls.
Great TED video! Thanks for this post :)
Cristina | Positively Beauty´s last [type] ..Cherry blossoms for Japan

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

Cristina, that is so important – to check-in and see if the dream is still in hearts desire. – and allowing ourselves to let go, hold on, re route whatever is needed to be true to self :)

Reply

Marquita Herald March 23, 2011

I tend not to share dreams and goals. I made the mistake once of sharing my dream trip of a lifetime destination with people I worked with during a conversation, and they never stopped bugging me about it.
Marquita Herald´s last [type] ..Taming Email – Let Your Rules Do the Work

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

Hi Marquita, thanks for stopping in and sharing a comment :)
I’ve had an experience like that too – the yucky part was, I no longer desired that dream and felt I had to defend my decision to not continue the pursuit.

Reply

Colby March 24, 2011

Beautiful article Aileen and so true. I’m not telling you any more of my dreams (and just forget I told you I want to win the megamillions!).

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

Colby, yes you will tell me your dreams :) I know you too well. I promise to hold them in love and light allowing them complete freedom to transform, shift, or change. I look forward to watching your dreams manifest.

Reply

Tess The Bold Life March 25, 2011

Hi Aileen ,
It depends on what the goal or dream is. I usually tell hubs and duaghters because they are always always for me and I like their opinions and support. They also hold me accountable. Otherwise I’m picky. I think for me it’s a trust issue that dates back to my family of origin. What ever dream you’re working on let me know if I can help in any way.
Tess The Bold Life´s last [type] ..Simplify Your Family Life- 30 eBooks

Reply

Aileen March 25, 2011

Tess, you are an amazing angel!

Reply

John Sherry March 29, 2011

The way you rounded this post off was top notch Aileen. I wasn’t sure if you were just dis-interested in other people’s dreams but you thenmade a statement that blew me away that should be all over the internet alone. That you don’t want to know our secret wish while it’s growing and germinating in our hearts and minds so that the magic grows ripe ready for the day it flourishes and blooms. And I love this because I used to be an early declarer always spouting out a desire before the desire had first settled in my heart. So I’m one huge fan of this idealogy and always one huge fan of you and your blog. I NEVER have anything but an inspiring time here!
John Sherry´s last [type] ..7 Reasons For Cultivating Relationships Not Craving Connections

Reply

Aileen March 30, 2011

John, you are truly fabulous!

I too was an early declarer – saying my dreams and wishes before I let them take shape. I would feel that I couldn’t change them or I had to explain and defend the changes and it lost a great deal of momentum and power. It’s too easy for a wish, goal, dream to get knocked down when it’s just growing. And it’s awesome to watch them bloom. I’m always inpired by watching peoples dreams, goals & wishes come to fruition and hearing about their journey.

May all of your dreams joyfully manifest!

Reply

Zengirl @ Heart and Mind April 11, 2011

Aileen,

I am totally with you on this, I also do not wish to know other people’s secret wishes and goals. However, I think inner personal goals of improving yourself can be done alone however, I like to share my life improvement goals such as becoming positive person or losing weight so other friends and family can be keep me accountable for it.

Keep some goals ourselves and share only what you feel like;

Preeti
Zengirl @ Heart and Mind´s last [type] ..10 Easy Ways to Earn More Money

Reply

Aileen April 17, 2011

Hi Preeti :) I do see the benefit of having good friends helping us to ourselves accountable – and sometimes team goals are brilliant. It’s an interesting test I’m exploring right now and I’ve come to realize that it’s really hard for me to keep quiet when a burning dream and goal are stirring. it really is a fascinating process.
I wish you all success with your dreams, goals and aspirations :)

Reply

Sandra / Always Well Within April 11, 2011

Aileen,

What a great topic and interesting conversation. There seems to be good arguments on both sides. I’m impulsive and changeable so announcing my goals doesn’t seem wise. They change a lot! :) I enjoyed the video and will definitely take this into consideration.
Sandra / Always Well Within´s last [type] ..Stop the World and See

Reply

Aileen April 17, 2011

Hi Sandra, it is harder to share goals when change our mind – but we truly do need the opportunity to change our minds and let our goals form as they will. I notice how much more free I am to change the forms of the goals when I keep them quiet.

Reply

Andrea DeBell @ britetalk April 12, 2011

Hi Aileen,
I tend to think that the best is to keep our goals to ourselves to let them grow and increase in power. I don’t always practice it though because I share everything with my husband and I often end up telling them to him. I try to hold on to them at least for a while before I share with him. He is a great supporter though and usually can share my view.
Thanks for this beautiful reminder. Loving blessings
Andrea DeBell @ britetalk´s last [type] ..Find yourself by fostering a spiritual practice

Reply

Aileen April 17, 2011

Andrea, it’s an amazing to have a place within a beloved, that allows you to share your secret dream. Dreams, wishes, goals need some freedom to move, shift and change and when they held in a space of love and respect they have that freedom. I wish you all success!!

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

{ 1 trackback }

Previous post:

Next post: